In every area of life, we encounter challenging conversations that test our patience and professionalism. Whether it’s addressing performance issues, negotiating a raise, or resolving conflicts, how we handle conflict has a huge impact on our work and our families. It’s important to have compassion for yourself as you embark on resolving conflict as emotions can run high during difficult conversations.
You can spend your life anticipating possible reactions but they may never come. Try to stay focused on the issue at hand.
A composed demeanour de-escalates tension and creates a safe space for open dialogue. Remembering to affirm the humanity of the other person is key to keeping your composure. Remember, difficult conversations are opportunities for growth and improvement. By approaching them with empathy and a solution-oriented mindset, we can turn challenges into stepping stones for a better future.
As someone who sits between leaders in conflict as a facilitative mediator, a great recommendation is breathing exercises before jumping into the trenches. Once you’ve taken those deep breaths, here are five top tips to help you handle conflict like a boss by Leah Brown FRSA.
Give yourself grace and then go prepare
Often we are so hard on ourselves. Acknowledge that conflict can feel hard. It can be tough and unpredictable and when you’re already juggling all the things, handling conflict can feel like the straw that broke the camel’s back. You cannot control others, but you can choose not to take things personally. Give yourself time and compassion as you process your emotions about how the conflict has come about and the best way to do something about it.
Failing to prepare is preparing to fail. We’ve all heard that before. But that’s because it’s helpful to gather your thoughts and any relevant information before engaging in the task ahead. Is it going to be a phonecall? A face to face meeting? A written letter? A text? Choose your method of communication carefully. I find it helpful to write bullet points with the key things I want to communicate.
Listen actively and ask for what you need
The top tip in handling conflict is to aim to listen more than you talk. Focus on understanding the other person’s perspective. This will build trust and create an opportunity for you both to solve the problems together. Clearly communicate your needs, whether it’s support, an apology, or something else. This step sets the tone for everything that follows.
Get curious and keep an open mind
Ask questions to understand what’s really going on for the other person— but don’t forget to be curious about what is going on for you! Assumptions…well, yes, challenge them. And try to avoid reacting emotionally. Curiosity almost always leads to clarity but stepping into the unknown is scary.
Are you willing to be uncomfortable? Approaching the conflict with an expectation that you will be uncomfortable may help you be more open-minded about it. As you let go of the need to change others, you can start to start to consider possibilities and embrace the opportunity to learn and grow through the process.
Stand your ground but be honest with yourself
Sometimes, there is no obvious solution. Stay resilient and composed, even if the conflict intensifies. As you stand still, find your sense of self. Use the conflict as a mirror to understand yourself better. Be truthful about your emotions, desires, and needs. Be honest about how you are showing up in the conflict and treating the other person and yourself.
Accept you have agency and look for mutual solutions
You have the power to choose how to respond. Take responsibility for your emotions and actions, and focus on creating a path to resolution. As you do this, you can shift a tense dynamic from blaming to a more constructive one where collaboration is possible. Frame the conversation around finding win-win solutions and engage in brainstorming to reach a compromise that everyone can live with.
If you want to handle conflict like a boss, take a deep breath, give yourself grace, listen actively, stay curious, be honest, and compromise where you can.
